I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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