I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
