Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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