Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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