She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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