Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
