im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
