First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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