I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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