I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
