Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
