i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
