Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
