woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize