im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
