Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
