i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
