girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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