Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
