I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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