I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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