No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
