What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
