i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
