I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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