this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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