Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
