I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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