I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
