Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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