I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize