He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
