I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
