He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
