So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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