Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
