My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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