Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Jerry, you need to find god
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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