so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you win again, gameday.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
They are going to name an STD after you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
