Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
