I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dick very happy bro
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
