Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
