thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize