if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Couch. On fire.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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