Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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