I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
