the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
