Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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