I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize