I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i think my cat just said my name.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
