put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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