I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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