He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
