I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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