eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize