I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
