I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
