At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
