I've blown a few things in my day
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
