yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
