i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she looked like the before picture.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
