he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
