next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize