I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
