Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
