i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
