How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize