Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
