the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
