I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
