it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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