A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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