from now on my penis is your penis
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
