it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize