Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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