never play flip cup with pint glasses
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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