How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
