shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
