Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
