Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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