well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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