READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
