Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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