Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
