Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
