WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
