what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
