In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
