remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
