Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
