Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
