My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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