Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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