his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize