my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
