I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
