Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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