So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
