yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
