I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
