Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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