So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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