u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
