well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
