I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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