Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize