i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
operation harelip BJ is a go
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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