This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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