my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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