I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize